Actress' whining is a big, fat front - Real women have curves

I love the gossip websites. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I find the accidental entertainment provided by celebrities struggling to do what ordinary people do every day to be much better than almost anything they do on a set or in a studio. The perfect example is Miss Jennifer Love Hewitt responding to pictures of herself on the beach in Hawaii last week.

If you didn’t see it, TMZ posted a shot of a woman in a black bikini, knee-deep in the surf, and facing away from the camera. I thought it was Jennifer Lopez or Kim Kardashian. I was a little surprised to see that Sarah Reeves from “Party of Five” has developed into a fully-grown woman. At least I thought she was a grownup until the next day when she started complaining about the photos on her blog like a whining little child:

“This is the last time I will address this subject. I've sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women's bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I'm not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image. A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn't make you beautiful.

What I should be doing is celebrating some of the best days of my life and my engagement to the man of my dreams, instead of having to deal with photographers taking invasive pictures from bad angles. I know what I look like, and so do my friends and family. And like all women out there should, I love my body.

To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini -- put it on and stay strong.”

Who needs WGA writers when JLH is good for this kind of comedy?

First of all, let me speak for my “real women have curves” mother, sisters, and nieces and say that nobody is asking Jennifer Love Hewitt to “address this subject”, or any other subject not in a script. Secondly, the reason she “sat by in silence” while women’s bodies are “constantly scrutinized” is because she was hot. She’s lucky enough to have a pretty face, spectacular breasts, and, until recently, a hard body. I don’t believe for a second that she’s “upset…for all the girls out there that are struggling with their body image” or she wouldn’t have done spreads in “Maxim” and “FHM” and there wouldn’t be a post on her blog entitled “Babes of Comic-Con ‘07”. I think she’s upset because she messed around and read some of the comments posted under her picture – and saw how cruel people can be (especially when she tries to pass herself off as a size 2).

Somebody should tell Jen that this is part of the deal when you choose a high-profile career. I understand it wasn’t her choice to get into show business at five years old, but it is her choice to stay in show business now. As tough as it may be to hear, she needs to understand that it’s not her acting chops that got her starring roles on network TV shows, it’s her hotness. With lighting, wardrobe, and creative camera angles, “Ghost Whisperer” JLH can be just as hot as “Time of Your Life” JLH. But when you see her butt in a bikini through a telephoto lens in the harsh light of day, it is what it is.

The paparazzi aren’t going away and they’re not going to stop taking photos of her body. If she doesn’t like it, she has the power to change it. She could be up in the gym just working on her fitness (you don’t hear Cindy Crawford or Nicole Sheridan complaining about their bikini shots). Or (and I know this is going to sound crazy) she could just go to beaches where there are no paparazzi. After all, the whole point of giving yourself to the public in front of the camera is so you can afford privacy when you’re not working.

I ain’t mad at Jennifer Love Hewitt, but like all Pretty White Kids With Problems, she can cry me a river, then build a bridge and get over it. I grew up in the 80’s when Oprah Winfrey’s weight was go-to material on late-night talk and sketch comedy shows. But instead of complaining about it, she bought herself a nice spread on Maui where she can swim in peace. If I was Jennifer Love Hewitt, I’d stop whining and invest some of the $4m I made jiggling my hot body around the set of “Hearbreakers” in a beach house somewhere the cameras can’t find me.