Striking out - Writers don't hold the cards in strike negotiations

I want the WGA to know that despite my disgust with the majority of its product, the irrelevance of most of its members, and my seething hatred for its arcane rules, I’m with them. I hope this strike brings the TV and movie studios to their knees and forces them to break the writers off another three cents per DVD and makes the studios give up a taste of what they’re getting from those commercials I have to sit through when I watch “Heroes” on my computer. As the brothers say it, “I ain’t mad at’cha - get that money.”

But the writers are in over their heads trying to play hardball with the studios. Contract negotiation is all about leverage and timing. At this point, movie production is on schedule through next spring and TV production is on schedule through Valentine’s Day. Sure, Jay and Dave and Conan will have to write their own monologues, but that shouldn’t be too tough (they’re comedians, right?). If it continues into January or February, the strike could effectively cancel the new network TV season midway through. But for the studios, a do-over for this disaster of a TV season might not be so terrible; nobody’s watching this season’s new shows anyway. It’s sadly ironic for the writers that they’ve authored such crap shows this fall that they can’t use the loss of this season as leverage. It wouldn’t be the first time they screwed themselves.

I understand screenwriters thinking they’re special. After all, screens are everywhere. Cell phones, Blackberrys, I-pods, Sidekicks, PDA’s, laptop computers, desktop computers, living rooms, kitchens, bedrooms, bathrooms, the center console of the car, the back seat of the minivan/SUV, the back of the front seat headrests, even “hater-vision” in the back of the rear seat headrests (so people in the car behind you can watch and hate). If I was a writer on “Lost” and people were downloading or buying my show by the millions, I’d probably think I was special, too. Until I realized these people don’t care about my show as much as they care about escaping from their own lives for a few minutes while they’re taking the bus or the train to work; that they don’t care about Hugo’s shaky back-story as much as they care about keeping their kids from ripping each other’s heads off on the drive to the grandparents’.

Hollywood needed this strike; if for no other reason than to restore the balance of power. Right now, there are far too many people who are famous for being famous. But a long strike would give a lot of people more free time to enjoy their fame and wealth in a town that worships them for it. The Ivy will be so packed that the Kim Kardashians won’t be able to get tables because the Scarlett Johanssons will be taking meetings. TMZ will show A-Listers stumbling out of clubs and write stories about how Spencer and Heidi couldn’t get into the VIP room because Reese was throwing Jake a birthday party.

I want the writers to get what they deserve, but we’re in a bubble here in L.A. In flyover country, nobody cares about them or their strike. If you walk off the job out there, you could get shot at, run over, and have to walk the picket in the freezing cold outside a coal mine where nobody brings you coffee and Krispy Kremes. A writer making $150,000 a year makes more than 95% of the working people who watch their TV shows and go to their movies. If this drags out, the viewers aren’t going to cry for the writers, they’ll just find some other distraction to put on their screens until they have to go back to work.

The bottom line here is the bottom line. For the most part, these studios are corporations motivated by profit. If WGA scripts (and the writers who create them) become too expensive, they’ll find an unscripted alternative. Who wants to be a millionaire? Everybody. There are strip clubs and car shows chock full of Tila Tequilas ready to bare it all on their own reality show. Millions of people think they can dance, want to be the next American Idol, great American band, chef, fashion designer, or superhero. Why deal with union writers demanding a bigger share when you can get ordinary people for free?

You have to pick your battles. The last time the writers went on strike, Fox put “COPS” on the air (it’s now in its 20th season), and the reality show was born. It was the beginning of the end of network TV and, if the WGA isn’t careful, this strike could finally put network TV (and those who watch it) out of its misery.