One bad Obama rap - Please, rapper, don't help

Having been born in the 1970's, raised on rap. I’m not ashamed to admit I love rap music. That said, readers of this column should know by now that I refuse to listen to rappers when they talk. I refuse to listen to most rappers when they rap, too, but that’s a topic for another day. My problem this week is that some rappers have started to get involved in the presidential election. Have you ever heard the expression "beware of Greeks bearing gifts?" That sums up how I feel about rappers who want to get political. It started about a month ago. Somebody asked Barack Obama what he was listening to on his iPod and he happened to mention the rapper Ludacris (a.k.a. Chris Bridges). Apparently, this inspired the rapper in question to write a verse that I’m sure he thinks is "political" because it mentions President Bush, Hillary Clinton, Jesse Jackson, John McCain, and the White House. Here is part of it:

Said I handled his biz and I’m one of his favorite rappers
Well give Luda a special pardon if I’m ever in the slammer
Better yet put him in office, make me your vice president
Hillary hated on you, so that b...h is irrelevant
Jesse talking slick and apologizing for what?
If you said it then you meant it how you want it have a gut!
And all you other politicians trying to hate on my man,
watch us win a majority vote in every state on my man
You can’t stop what’s bout to happen, we 'bout to make history
The first black president is destined and it’s meant to be
The threats ain’t fazing us, the nooses or the jokes
So get off your ass, black people, it’s time to get out and vote!
Paint the White House black and I’m sure that’s got ‘em terrified
McCain don’t belong in any chair unless he’s paralyzed
Yeah I said it cause Bush is mentally handicapped
Ball up all of his speeches and I throw ‘em like candy wrap
‘cause what you talking I hear nothing even relevant
and you the worst of all 43 presidents!

Yo, Luda, lemme holla at you for a minute. Most white people don’t understand what you’re saying most of the time, so they focus on the parts they can decipher like "watch us win a majority vote in every state" and "paint the White House black." And some of them will get skerred [sic]. Though we both know you have no idea what you’re talking about when it comes to politics, a lot of white people will blame Barack for your stupidity. They will take every rhyme you’ve ever said and try to attach your words to our next president. I guarantee you that some right-winger somewhere is mashing up footage of Barack looking scary with your song "Move, B...h (Get Out the Way)." Is that what you want?

Just as Mr. Bridges’ (yes, I used his government name) contribution had started to fade into memory, Sean "Diddy" Combs decided to get involved. I had been waiting for his "Vote or Die" campaign to get mobilized, so imagine my disappointment when his first foray into this election cycle wasn’t a PSA featuring any of the dozens of celebs who are already on the Obama train. Instead, it was a vlog (video Weblog) posting of his criticism of John McCain’s selection of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate — featuring a spinning close-up that is so dizzying it would make Michael Bay proud.

In the span of about two minutes, Mr. Combs (yes, I used his government name, too) manages to embarrass himself more than those times he shared a stage with Jimmy Page and Sting.

The best (worst) part is when he wonders, "Alaska, motherf....r? What is the reality in Alaska? There’s not even no crackheads in Alaska. No black people. There’s not even no, like, crime...Ya’ll need to get versed on black policies, on youth policies. We the future." He proceeds to tell Sen. McCain no fewer than a half-dozen times that he is "bugging the (expletive) out." I don’t know if you realize this, Sean, but you can’t use the phrase "bugging out" to tell a fighter pilot he’s made a mistake — he won’t get it.

I just wish rappers would leave the job of sounding smart about politics to those of us who actually are. Because the only thing worse than the idea of Barack losing this election is the idea that it could have been lost because some idiot like Bridges or Combs got the bright idea to get involved.

To Chris and Sean: I’ve got nothing but love for you, but please step off.