Getting out of the groove, Madonna? - The Material Girl needed a pre-nup

I was born in the 70’s, so I grew up watching music videos on Music Television, not “reality shows.” Way back in the 80’s, there was nothing cooler than music videos. These days, the network is known more for creating reality TV stars than rock stars. It’s gotten so bad that I can spot every girl on “The Hills” from a block away, but wouldn’t recognize the Killers if every member of the band walked up to me and slapped me across the face. In my defense, L.C, Whitney, Lauren, Audrina, and Heidi are all attractive girls who are treated like genuine celebrities with talent, even though their main gig is starring on a reality show that isn’t even real.

The woman we have to thank for this sad state of affairs at MTV, Madonna, was in the news last week because she wants a divorce from her husband of eight years, film director Guy Ritchie. Unfortunately for her, she forgot to get a prenuptial agreement before they got married. Now her soon-to-be ex-husband is entitled to half of her fortune and I, for one, can’t resist laughing at the delicious irony of this woman potentially losing one hundred million dollars in a divorce settlement. This is the woman who taught the girls of my generation that sex sells, they don’t have to feel ashamed of using sex to sell themselves, and if you’re sexy enough, you don’t even have to be able to sing to make it as a pop singer. Especially if your first big album, “Like a Virgin” is in stores at the same time you’re naked in Penthouse and Playboy.

Madonna got ahead in late-1970’s New York City by utilizing her three biggest assets: her left boob, her right boob, and her willingness to show them to anyone who could advance her career. Make no mistake, had it not been for her numerous nude photo sessions, we never would have heard of this woman after about 1985. Instead, she went on to become MTV’s first reality TV star as everything she did was fully documented on the network as it focused less on musicality and more on personality. First there was a high-profile marriage to Sean Penn, a failed attempt at an acting career, a divorce once it was clear the marriage wasn’t going to work out, then her re-invention as someone else. The funny thing about this woman is that she always seems to re-invent herself as a new and different kind of slut, but to me the song remains the same.

That was until about 1999 when she decided she wanted to become British - Lady Madge of Wiltshire, wife of film director Guy Ritchie and a proper Englishwoman. They got married and had a son named Rocco, though not necessarily in that order, then waited around for “happily ever after” to arrive. Shockingly, it never came. So there she was three years later, on stage at the VMA’s again. This time, she was sucking face with not one, but two former members of the Mickey Mouse Club. Some people thought it was hot. I didn’t. For obvious reasons, I’d watch my Britney kiss Christina Aguilera all day long. But add a woman old enough to be their mom to the mix and I throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Last year, Madonna signed a new contract that will pay her $120 million to keep recording and touring for another ten years, pushing her net worth into the neighborhood of $600 million. The problem now seems to be that she’s outgrown her “British phase” and wants to move back to New York with Lourdes, David from Malawi, and Rocco; leaving Guy Ritchie back in England. Guy, of course, isn’t going to just roll over and take it, so their lawyers will have to work it out. Unlike Madonna, however, Guy actually is English, so he understands public opinion in Great Britain much better than she does. He’s acting like a man trying his hardest to make his marriage work. He’s taken a trip to New York to be with her, he’s fighting for his family, and he wants his son to grow us “as an Englishman.” If the divorce happens, it will be clear who wanted out. It will be the person worth over a half a billion dollars, and she’ll probably have to give up custody of their son and about $100 million to get the freedom she’s looking for.

She once sang, “boys may come and boys may go and that’s alright, you see. Experience has made me rich and now they’re after me.” I wonder if the “Material Girl” will still be singing when she has to pay Guy off to the tune of nine figures?