Running for a city council seat - April fool's!

I’ve finally come to terms with never moving back to Boston because Santa Monica is clearly the best place in the world. I never get tired of saying the words, “seventy degrees and sunny with a little breeze off the ocean” to my snowbound friends back home. We are lucky enough to live in a place where you’re never more than a half-hour’s walk, bike, or bus ride from a bus from a clean, safe beach complete with a boardwalk pier and a ferris wheel. This city has everything except the one thing that it really needs: Kenny Mack on the City Council. So I am formally announcing my intent to be a candidate in this year’s election.

Have you taken a good look at our City Council lately? I’m not saying that they’re too old to be in touch with the needs of Santa Monica’s young people, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they all believe that the Internet is a series of tubes. I bet there aren’t more than two I-pod owners among the seven of them; and those were probably Christmas presents from grandkids who loaded them up with the greatest hits of Patsy Kline and Frank Sinatra and which haven’t been updated since. To be forward-looking in the planning of the future of this town, the Council needs an injection of energy, youth, style, soul, and sex appeal. Electing me accomplishes this in one fell swoop.

You may be wondering why now? It was a recent visit to the Santa Monica DMV that convinced me. If you’ve never been, I have to tell you that the combination of the free parking, the Baja Fresh across the street, the studios down the block, and the fact that it never takes longer than twenty-five minutes to get in and out means that you can actually go to the DMV on your lunch hour, grab a bite, and possibly get a picture of Andre 3000 on your camera phone - all in about an hour. As a total coincidence, the place is almost completely staffed by black people who probably don’t live in Santa Monica. The way I see it, if they can make a trip to the DMV a pleasurable experience, we owe it to them – and the firefighters, police, teachers, and others who make the standard of living here what it is – to make a place for them in this town. That’s why I’m running.

When it comes to the issues, I’ll be an advocate for the little guy. City workers, families, students, mom-and-pop businesses, homeless people, and ficus trees will be safe. Commercial developers, private jet owners, national tenants looking for retail space, and not-for-profit hospitals wanting to expand their real estate portfolios, not so much. If you’re concerned about how Santa Monica will survive without the tax revenue from these people, don’t be. I have a plan. Once I’m elected, the City of Santa Monica will begin licensing medicinal cannabis dispensaries – and we will tax pot-smoking crap out of them.

It’s a bold plan whose genius is its simplicity. California, being hipper than the rest of the country, passed Proposition 215, legalizing medical marijuana. The city of Santa Monica, being hipper than the rest of California, voted to basically de-criminalize the act of possessing and using marijuana ten years later with Measure Y, making this a 420-friendly town. Yet the city hasn’t licensed even one dispensary. In my humble opinion, that makes us hypocrites. My neighbor suffers from chronic stress and anxiety (he gets stressed and anxious when he can’t get chronic) and has a prescription for medicinal cannabis. He spends about $3,000 per year on his medicine and it’s all spent in Venice. What, is his money not good enough for Santa Monica to tax?

The additional revenue could really help pay for some desperately needed services in Santa Monica. How will we keep up with the rising cost of street repairs to keep traffic flowing smoothly? Weed money. How will we maintain our parks and repair, or replace the ficus trees on Second and Fourth Streets? Weed money. How will we finance services for Santa Monica’s infamous homeless population, getting them off the street and into housing, education, and job training programs? Weed money. It’s really the gift that keeps on giving.

The benefits would snowball. Smoother roads would mean more visitors, clean and landscaped parks would mean more people recreating, and fewer homeless people to scare them away would mean more people spending more time shopping in our stores and eating in our restaurants generating even more tax revenue for our city. We just need the courage to elect me, Kenny Mack, Independent candidate for Santa Monica City Council.

Thank you for your support.