The jailed life - Paris is the poster girl for DUI

For those who say that jail doesn't work as a deterrent, I give you Miss Paris Hilton.

If, by some chance, you were in one of the five or six places in the world where you don’t get up-to-the-second news on Paris’ comings and goings, she was arrested for DUI last September; driving erratically without headlights in a Mercedes McLaren that cost half a million dollars (the same car, incidentally, that showed the world Britney Spears’ c-section scar). She pleaded no contest to a “wet and reckless” - that’s DUI for most of us, but people who can afford $500,000 cars can also afford good lawyers — and was sentenced to 36 months probation. Just stay out of trouble for three years and it will be like it never happened.

What nobody realized back then was that 36 months is a lifetime to a Hollywood socialite. In fact, three years before, hardly anybody had even heard of Paris Hilton — then came Rick Solomon, the sex tape and the “Simple Life” in Arkansas. The rest is history.

It took six whole months, but Paris was in trouble again in March. Somehow, the police noticed her again, speeding in her $250,000 Bentley convertible with no headlights. And she had forgotten to take the court-appointed alcohol education class (like anyone needs to be educated about alcohol — pour, swallow, repeat), so her license was suspended. She said she asked her publicist if it was OK to drive and he said “yes.” In spite of that, she was still arrested and charged with driving with a suspended license, speeding without headlights on, and not taking the alcohol class.

She was humiliated. Her publicist was fired.

She spent the next month acting like everything was fine. She partied with her boyfriend in L.A. She was on stage with Prince in Las Vegas. She shopped. She ate pinkberry. She basically did what Hollywood socialites do, oblivious to what was coming. So imagine her surprise when, at her sentencing hearing in May, she got 45 days of actual jail time. Ouch! That’s half the summer (so not “hot”). Her mother said, “I can’t believe all the money we spent on this.” Mom’s been around long enough to know that, unlike Martha Stewart (who can cook), Paris has nothing to offer the women who will be calling the shots in the yard. And they made it known that they were eagerly expecting her arrival: Paris got death threats on her Myspace page, and one inmate even threatened to steal her shoes and beat her up if she complained.

She was terrified. Her lawyer was fired.

Her new lawyer, working with her re-hired publicist, convinced Paris that her only chance to avoid spending all 45 days in general population as the personal property of a biker chick serving 10 to 25 was to get off on good behavior. Paris has been trying her best to become a saint ever since. It seems that in order to avoid any unnecessary jail time, Paris will do anything: She’ll ride a bike, she’ll walk the dogs, she’ll stay home at night, she’ll go to church, she’ll even be nice to Shana Moakler (OK, that may be a little too much). Anything to keep from spending too much time in a place where people hate her for her money, her beauty, her fame and her lifestyle - and can actually hurt her. Maybe that’s why she’s been in the gym working out every day.

Ironically, Michelle Rodriguez was arrested for a probation violation from a DUI last year. And her sentence was 60 days. Michelle turned herself in on a Thursday morning and the L.A. Sheriff ’s Department let her out in time to get drinks at the bar at the Roosevelt Hotel later that night. And nobody noticed. The only reason Paris is actually going to serve her time is because she’s so unfathomably rich and so mind-blowingly famous. Soon, there will be a 24-hour press camp outside the Century Regional Detention Center and because the world will be watching, the L.A. Sheriff ’s Department will have to make an example of her. Young girls all over America watch her every move and Paris’ punishment will show them what happens when you drink and drive.

Miss Paris Hilton’s jail sentence and her public anguish before she serves it will be a deterrent for an entire generation of drunk American girls who might have tried to drive themselves home if they weren’t petrified of some prisoner punching them in the face for their Pumas.