Deciphering Bill's private master plan - Time for President Clinton to give it up

In the next few days, Barack Obama will officially put Hillary Clinton’s name forward for what should be unanimous confirmation as Secretary of State. Some will question her choice as the face of President Obama’s foreign policy. If she was wrong on Iraq, they’ll ask, how can she be right for Foggy Bottom? Being America’s Smartest Columnist, however, I see the move as bold (bordering on brilliant) for both because in one fell swoop, they remove the biggest obstacle in the path of their respective political careers: former President Bill Clinton.

I understand that Bill is the adopted son of a drunk, and I appreciate the focus it takes to pull off the kind of social climbing that got him from dirt poor in the Ozarks to a nine-figure fortune in Westchester, N.Y. within one generation. I also get that Hillary was probably smarter and more qualified, yet had to hitch her wagon to Bill’s because she came up at a time when a woman’s place was behind her man. But as our new president shows, a broken home and societal prejudice do not excuse bad behavior (one of the many lessons he’s teaching the Clintons), so I don’t give them a pass.

Let’s not forget Bill Clinton’s legacy. A man who got the Israeli prime minister and Palestinian leader to publicly shake hands and left his successor a budget surplus won’t go down in history as having presided over a period of peace and prosperity. All anyone will think of is the fact that he lied to cover up his juvenile play dates with Monica Lewinsky while being deposed in a civil suit brought by Paula Jones. It was the lie that led to his impeachment, the impeachment that caused his last name to become a dirty word, and the associated character assassination that prevented his vice president from being able to run on their administration’s record during the 2000 campaign — the one which gave us President George W. Bush. So there is an unbroken line from the problems we’re now dealing with back to Bill Clinton’s suspect decision to pull little Bubba out to show to an intern in the Oval Office. While he may not have technically done it to Monica, there is no question that he screwed the rest of us.

We had a deal with Bill Clinton. We promised never to mention the word "impeachment" again as long as he went away (and stayed away) until it was time to hand the Democratic party over to the nominee in 2008. But Bill didn’t like that deal too much after his wife declared her candidacy. It was a given that the Democrat was going to get elected, so he wouldn’t be the most powerful person in the party any more. But if Hillary won, not only is he no longer the most powerful person in the party, he’s not even the most powerful person in his own house. He’d just be "former President Clinton" with the emphasis on "former." Seeing that he was doing very well giving speeches for hundreds of thousands of dollars a pop and bartering access to himself and his contacts through donations to his namesake foundation and Global Initiative, I believe Bill decided to sabotage his wife’s campaign. And when Hillary was going to be vetted for the V.P. spot, he made it clear the books of the foundation and Global Initiative were staying closed, so junior senator from New York was going to have to be good enough for her.

But when Bill decided to wait until after the Jewish holidays in September to start campaigning (leaving only a few weeks to spend out on the trail), Barack had to know something was wrong. And now he’s president-elect, he can’t have Bill promising God knows what to God knows whom and undermining him with every handshake. So he offered Hillary the top spot in his cabinet. All she had to do was promise to look the other way while he kneecaps her husband. After everything he’s done to publicly humiliate her, she had to take some private joy in hearing that Bill agreed to every condition, turned over the names of all donors to his library and foundation, and will submit future speeches and business deals to the Obama administration for vetting. For a man who’s been running his own pseudopresidency for the last eight years, this has got to be an emasculating development. I can only wonder how much better off we’d all be if Bill had been gelded decades ago.

Politics isn’t checkers, it’s chess. And in the new winner-takes-all game of Democratic Party politics, Barack Obama beat his last opponent, Bill Clinton, by taking his once untouchable queen off the board. Check and mate, see you at the Inaugural Ball.