These seven days were memorable - Death, destruction, and government bail-outs

What a week. Within a period of about seven days, we marked the fifth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, the 4000th casualty of that decision, a government bail-out of an investment bank, reports of record job losses, floods in Illinois, Arkansas, and Missouri, one presidential candidate (Barack Obama) giving the best explanation of how black people and white people talk amongst ourselves, and the Vice President responding to the news that two out of three Americans want us out of Iraq by saying, “So?” It’s funny these things happened during Easter week because it made me think that a government of the people, for the people, and by the people may have actually perished from the earth, but it can be resurrected.

The Dick Cheney comment really bothered me. I can almost understand why they wouldn’t let us see the flag-draped caskets of our dead soldiers and I kind of get the logic behind the President not attending any of their funerals over the last five years (although that’s the one thing I give Rudy Giuliani credit for after September 11, 2001). But then I remember that 3,880 of those 4,000 people died after the President said that we had “prevailed” in Iraq - and that’s when I get upset. It’s not like we didn’t stick it out with this administration, is it? It’s not like they can say we weren’t patient, right? We gave them everything they asked for and all the time they could have wanted. We’ve been in Iraq longer than we were in World War II – and that was a world war! It was almost like the Vice President was saying that we just have to accept the fact that we’re going to be paying $12 billion every month in Iraq and that 60 or 70 Americans are going be dying in Iraq every month for the foreseeable future and we had all better just get used to it. It made me want to take the prosthetic limb of a wounded veteran and hit Dick Cheney in his crooked, lying mouth with it.

The bail-out of Bear Stearns didn’t make me too happy, either. It just annoys me to no end when the government decides that there are some businesses in America that are “too big to fail”. It’s the second time in the last ten years this has happened and both times it was a bunch of super-rich speculators who were too smart by half, who had gotten monumentally greedy, and who got burned. The first was a hedge fund called Long Term Capital Management that lost almost $2 billion over the course of the summer of 1998. Not to worry, though. The Federal Reserve Bank of New York stepped in and saved LTCM’s bacon. It was that rescue that led Ken Lay and the geniuses at Enron to believe that since they dominated the energy industry, that they would be “too big to fail”, also. They were wrong – and most of their employees lost their pensions and their life savings in the process. Now the investment bank Bear Stearns’ heavy position in mortgage-backed securities caused their stock price to go from $60 per share to $2 per share basically overnight – a drop that could have caused a panic. The Feds stepped in and guaranteed $30 billion in taxpayer money to JPMorgan Chase if they agreed to buy Bear Stearns and absorb some of those losses. It reminded me of two old expressions, “there are no Libertarians in a financial crisis,” and, “when you owe the bank $100, the bank owns you. When you owe $100 million, you own the bank.”

Rising above this crappy news week was the next President of the United States, Senator Barack Obama. They say the third rail of politics is Social Security because if you touch it, you die. For him, it’s race. Let’s face it, white people don’t like talking about the role of race in America (I will add that black people may like talking about it a little too much). But none of us can deny that it is a factor in every aspect of American life. Or at least it has been before this current generation and the big, brown world they’re growing up in. Once again, he reminded us that we can actually act like adults, talk about the issues that divide us, and arrive at understanding so we can move forward.

To show us all how important it is that we work together, Mother Nature once again flooded the streets of American cities and towns and reminded us that we aren’t black or white or rich or poor or Democrat or Republican. When the waters rise, we’re all just wet and helpless – and we need each other.

HBO, not MTV, will rock the vote - "John Adams" & "Generation Kill"

The best movie studio in America is HBO Films. The same way Charles Dickens used novels to shame and ridicule the ruling classes in England, HBO Films working for social change in contemporary American society. Over the course of the next few months, that studio will be taking audiences on a journey – starting with the Boston Massacre in the mini-series “John Adams” and ending with the invasion of Iraq in 2003 in the mini-series “Generation Kill”. Along the way, they will stop in Florida in November of 2000 for the movie version of the case of Bush v. Gore for the presidency of the United States in the movie “Recount”. By the time the trip is over, anyone who watched either of the three will psyched to cast their vote in November; fired up and ready to go, if you will.

I saw the first two installments of “John Adams” this past weekend and I can safely say two things: I can hardly wait for the next two installments this Sunday and anyone associated with the production needs to make room on the mantel for an Emmy. It’s that good. I’m not only saying this because the brilliance, toughness, and integrity of John Adams, Sam Adams, John Hancock, and the Sons of Liberty make me proud to be from the Bean. It’s also because the first two installments were the best-written, best-acted, best-directed, and most authentic period pieces since “Deadwood” and “Rome” (also on HBO). Also because the exhaustive work done by historian David McCullough in his book on John and Abigail Adams allows the viewer to see, hear, and feel how hard it was just to survive in those days, much less successfully plan a secret insurgency and independence movement.

We come to understand that there was actually a time in American history before the Constitution and the Bill of Rights – a time before there was such a thing as an American – when people in the original colonies were forced to allow British soldiers to live in their homes, when colonists weren’t allowed to assemble, keep guns, engage in free trade, or disagree with the King of England. We learn that the American Revolution was fought as a war against the tyranny of the king and for the right of self-determination. We hear, for the first time anywhere on earth, that “all men are created equal”, and we are bothered by the idea of our forefathers living under military occupation (even though we know it won’t last).

Fast forward to “Generation Kill”, based on a book by “Rolling Stone” reporter Evan Wright who spent two months embedded with Marines in Iraq, which will be broadcast in early summer. The exact same way we saw British troops arrogantly doing whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted in the colony of Massachusetts before their defeats at Lexington and Concord, I suspect we will see American Marines (mis)behaving in Iraq before the battle of Fallujah. It will be impossible for anyone not to draw the obvious comparisons between Iraqis fighting the American occupation and our fighting the tyranny of King George’s taxation without representation (while treating colonists like second-class citizens).

By the time someone has finished watching both mini-series, that person will be good and ready for “Recount”. And once a (Democrat) person lives through the nightmare of Florida 2000 all over again, that (Democrat) person will do everything possible to make sure there isn’t a repeat. That whole episode was an embarrassment to you, to me, and to Americans everywhere. People were clowning us all over the world saying that the U.S., the very model of freedom and democracy, had forgotten the central idea of the democratic process: That every vote must be counted because every vote matters.

I understand that we shouldn’t be getting our history from Hollywood, but in the case of David McCullough and Evan Wright, I’m willing to make exceptions. After all, it’s not like we’re talking about Mel Gibson in “The Patriot,” riding to re-join his troops while holding a tattered American flag which Betsy Ross hadn’t even sewn yet. These writers know of what they speak and the actual events they wrote about were dramatic enough not to require much (if any) embellishment. As for “Recount”, I don’t mind if the events of those few weeks in Florida are exaggerated for effect because the story stands as a cautionary tale for those millions of young voters coming into the process for the first time. Many of them were barely out of elementary school back in 2000 and probably weren’t paying attention to butterfly ballots, hanging chads, or that vile Katherine Harris. Mark my words: This November it will be HBO, not MTV, that truly rocks the vote.

Tina to the rescue for Hillary Cliton - Sisters are doing it for each other

I have to call out someone I really like. I take no joy in it because this person does really good work. She created the only smart, funny sitcom on TV and the best show on NBC since “Seinfeld”. Her name is Tina Fey and I am really mad at her because she went on “Saturday Night Live” and endorsed Hillary Clinton saying, “it’s not too late, Texas and Ohio, get on board! Bitch is the new black!” With those last five words, she single-handedly revived Hillary’s campaign. Now, despite the fact that it all but impossible for her to win, the rest of us can’t get rid of this bitch.

I have to give Tina credit because unlike her old boss, Lorne Michaels, her show actually found a way to have two black men in the cast, it doesn’t do clichés, and is way ahead of its time in dealing with issues network TV never used to touch - while still being laugh-out-loud funny. And I find the irony of her comedy about a woman producing a sketch comedy show winning an Emmy while Aaron Sorkin’s drama about two men producing a sketch comedy show got canceled nothing short of delicious.

But for some insane reason she has thrown her lot in with these crazy Baby Boomer women (who lived through the fight for equal rights, but have forgotten what it means to be a part of movement for change) and their blind support of Hillary Clinton. Let’s face it, ladies, voting for a woman simply because you think it’s about time a woman was elected President is nothing more than identity politics and the brand of feminism I learned from my sainted grandmother would reject that the same way your daughters and granddaughters have. One thing equal rights for women was supposed to do was eliminate gender as a consideration in the workplace so that a woman wouldn’t be judged by her appearance, or her willingness to “stay late”, or anything other than her job performance.

Tina justified her endorsement by saying, “bitches get stuff done.” Meanwhile, Hillary’s staff are at each other’s throats to the point where her Senior Adviser and her Chief Strategist are trading f-bombs on a conference call, Bill is alienating black voters, there was no plan for after Super Tuesday, and she had to lend her campaign $5 million because it ran out of money. That’s not what I call getting it done. Let’s imagine a woman who couldn’t get her staff to work together, whose husband embarrassed her at company functions, who didn’t plan for the next fiscal quarter, and whose department was in the red. In the real world, that bitch would be out of a job.

And please spare me that crap about her experience and her being tough enough to be Commander in Chief. The First Lady, who has no security clearance, doesn’t sit in on Cabinet meetings, and has no authority to make decisions is no more qualified to be President than the wife of a brain surgeon who hasn’t been to medical school is qualified to open my skulI with a saw. If she was really tough, she would have left Bill’s sorry behind when she found out he cheated on her (again) in the Oval Office with an intern. She said Monica-gate was the biggest crisis of her life. And what was her reaction when she found out? “I could hardly breathe. Gulping for air, I started crying and yelling at him,” she wrote. Is that what she’s going to do when that phone in the White House rings at three in the morning?
It’s math, not magic, and the last thing we need in Denver is a repeat of Florida 2000. We’re talking about the Democratic Party, founded by Thomas “A Majority Of A Single Vote Is As Sacred As If Unanimous” Jefferson. It is mathematically impossible for her to win the nomination; and that has nothing to do with her gender. For the good of the movement she’s trying so hard to ignore, she should stick with her “I’m honored to be here with Barack Obama” personality. He needs to pick a running mate before the convention, so it’s time for her to take her ringing phone and go. McCain’s picked up six points because of her negativity; and after winning Texas and Ohio (thanks, Tina), she’s still can’t win the nomination. She’s just weakening Barack and hurting the party’s chances to build on 2006.

It reminds me of something another really good screenwriter (Mark Andrus) wrote in “As Good As It Gets”. Jack Nicholson’s character, a best-selling author, explains how he writes women so well. “I think of a man,” he says, “and I take away reason and accountability.”

A little advice for the 'Tomb Raider' - Policy is over Angelina Jolie's head

I love Brad and Angie, I really do. I admire Brad for doing whatever he can to help re-build New Orleans and I think it’s great that she takes her job as Goodwill Ambassador for the U.N. High Commission for Refugees so seriously. After reading her opinion column in the Washington Post last week, however, it’s clear she has the wrong idea about what that title means and what the world in general, and the UNHCR in particular, needs from her. She obviously didn’t get the memo, so I’ll spell it out: Get over yourself, Angelina, you’re an Ambassador in name only.

She starts by pointing out that in the six months since her last visit, the humanitarian crisis caused by millions of Iraqis being driven from their homes hasn’t gotten any better. She notes that in the week before her most recent trip, however, the Iraqi government, U.S. forces, and the UNHCR “have begun to work together in new and important ways.” She met with Gen. David Petraeus, who said he would “support new efforts to address the humanitarian crisis”. She also met with Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki who “announced the creation of a new committee to oversee issues related to internally displaced people, and a pledge of $40 million to support the effort,” and she was left feeling “hopeful that more progress can be made.”

I don’t know how to tell her this but in Iraq, a week-old solution to a years-long problem isn’t a good reason for hope. These men, Patraeus and al-Maliki, work in a place where you never know when the next parked car on the street or shopper in the market is going to randomly explode and kill everyone within a fifty-foot radius. While I’m sure they took their meeting with Lara Croft: Tomb Raider seriously, I wouldn’t put it past them to tell her what she needed to hear so they could get back to business.

She mentions that some 2.5 million refugees have found their way to Syria and Jordan, causing those countries to “close their borders until the international community provides support.” She goes on to say, “I'm not a security expert, but it doesn't take one to see that Syria and Jordan are carrying an unsustainable burden. They have been excellent hosts, but we can't expect them to care for millions of poor Iraqis indefinitely and without assistance from the U.S. or others.” She got one thing right: she’s no expert. Neither am I. But I know that if you’re the Syrian or Jordanian government and you allow weapons, men, and material from all over the region to pass through your country on their way to jihad against America in Iraq, you can’t be surprised when a stream of people trying to escape the fighting starts flowing the other way. The Syrians and Jordanians may be “excellent hosts”, but they’ve been lousy neighbors.

She says her visit left her “even more deeply convinced that we not only have a moral obligation to help displaced Iraqi families, but also a serious, long-term, national security interest in ending this crisis.” This bothers me. Who the hell is Angelina Jolie, she of the $200 million prenuptial agreement, to tell the rest of us what our moral obligations are? We are responsible for un-doing the damage we’ve done, but are we responsible for the de-facto ethnic cleansing that happened at the hands of government death squads and private militias? Aren’t millions of displaced Iraqis more of a serious, long-term, national security interest for the Iraqi government than ours? When can we, as Americans, say we’ve spent enough of our resources in Iraq to demonstrate our commitment to the people of that country?

She wraps up by asking if we can afford to risk millions of poor and displaced people in the region reacting to their desperation by causing chaos? Her answer is to call on Congress (that can’t pass comprehensive immigration laws at home) to come up with a “comprehensive refugee plan” for Iraq. In an attempt to get my head to explode, she ends by addressing the issue of whether or not the “surge” is working. She says the U.N. wants to stay because they feel like they can finally “scale up” their operations, and the troops she spoke to want to stay because they don’t want their friends to have died in vain. She’s all for continuing the undermanned U.S. occupation of Iraq, not realizing the reason so many people were displaced was there weren’t enough troops to provide the security they needed to be able to stay in their homes. That’s why we only ask the U.N. Goodwill Ambassador to call attention to the needs of others, not to make policy recommendations, Angelina.